Begin at the beginning, then proceed from there....

SO....as I assume you've noticed, I took a wee bit of break from pretty much everything. January was ... hell on wheels. There was one event or volunteer project after another and by the time it was all FINALLY February 1st, the one day I took off to recoup, I got a call from a friend at work letting me know that we're being laid off as of April 30th.

I have this huge fear of being unemployed. I've been unemployed before, a few times actually, but every time it happened it lasted 6 months or more and it was HORRIBLE! I spent all my time frantically searching for jobs and firmly convinced I would never be hired. Yes, I have a negativity problem. It's actually low-self-esteem, but no matter what you call it, it's a problem.

I freaked. I spent all of February with a stress headache, freaking out about what I perceived as my impending doom. Then March arrived and I was bitter for a little while, because KNOWING you will be laid off as of a certain date, and having literally 90 freakin' days to contemplate it...leads to a bit of bitterness, especially when you still have to deal with the people who AREN'T being laid off on a daily basis. It's inevitable.

But I'm over that now...for the most part anyway. And I have reached a point of almost-calm acceptance and am on my way to full-fledged excitement at the prospect, mainly because they've been working us like dogs, threatening to fire us if we don't continue to out-perform everyone else in the company.

That's right, we are the top performers and we are the ones who are being laid off. There's logic behind the decision, though it seems mostly personal logic, not corporate logic. But whatever, I'm not free to tell the story until May 1st, or whenever I actually receive my final paycheck, severance pay and the bonus they promised everyone who stays until April 30th instead of finding a new job.

So I'm coasting along on a wave of anticipation, waiting to crash to the shore. I was trying to figure out why I'm not scared this time. It really makes no sense. I should be a complete head-case by now, but I'm not. The best I can come up with is that I will be joining the ranks of thousands upon thousands in the nation who are already unemployed, and haven't gotten new jobs either because they make more with unemployment than they would with the jobs and pay that are being offered, or because they haven't been hired for the jobs that pay you enough to live on.

Basically, I won't be alone. I won't find a job right away because there aren't any jobs out there worth TAKING right now. On unemployment I get a percentage of my normal paycheck, food stamps and Medicare. If the pay of the jobs I get offered can't at least ADD UP to that much, it's not worth taking. Now, when unemployment runs out, that's another story, but that's more than a year from now. And quite frankly, there's no point in worrying about something over which I have ABSOLUTELY no control. Not to mention, God is obviously changing my path for me. I'm a bit dense, and sometimes he has to club me over the head with his plan, but like a child with ADHD, if He repeats Himself enough times, I'll finally pick up on what he wants and at least head in the general direction.

Plus, not having a job gives me time to write and exercise, two things I have not found time to do because I was too busy working or playing chauffer to my son, whom I affectionately call Little Man (or Little Monster, depends on whether or not I have a headache and how many times I've had to repeat my instructions to him that day.) I'm SO EXCITED by that!

So I'm promising now to update my blog again in a week or so, with more information about coming attractions.

Kisses, Hugs and Spanx!
Luci