My Diet - Week Two

So this week’s update is late. I almost didn’t even write it. I was thoroughly disgusted with the diet and myself this past week.

It started off badly. I had to sit through the family birthday party (we have 4 or 5 birthdays in the month of June so it’s just easier to celebrate all at once), watching everyone else eat huge steaks with grilled sweet potatoes, cake and ice cream, and I couldn’t have any. I had my little 4 ounces of plain, flavorless steak that I massacred with salt and pepper and my ½ cup of brussel sprouts…that was it. Oh! And a cup of coffee, sans creamer. My Uncle did the steak, it was perfectly rare. My aunt did the brussel sprouts; they were perfect too. And the coffee was infused with coconut so it tasted great. I had no reason to complain about what I had to eat, but…it still TOTALLY sucked to watch everyone else eat the food I can’t have. Needless to say, I dreamed about steak that night. I woke up cranky. Imagine that.

I also woke up with the distinct memory of eating two pieces of bread with butter in the middle of the night. At first, I thought it was just a dream, but when I went into the kitchen, there was the tub of butter still sitting out on the counter. I was SO angry with myself! I don’t eat in my sleep! At least I never have before! It’s not uncommon for me to wake in the middle of the night and grab a snack, but I’ve always been awake for it before. My only explanation was that I was just that tired that I was hungry but didn’t wake up fully, or I might have stopped myself.

I say “might” because honestly, if I was that hungry, I might not have stopped myself. I can’t complain, I knew this diet would be way more than just difficult for me. But I was very angry at myself for the slip, and I was not in ketosis anymore. I went in to weigh on Monday (6/8/2009) and had only lost 1.5 pounds. I say “only” because with the sacrifice I’m making for this diet, the payback should have been much higher. My counselor talked me down, because even though it was the end of the day, I was still really pissed at myself, the world…air…everything.

I was just flat pissed-off. I was supposed to have been on the 600 calorie diet from Sunday until Wednesday, but because of my slip and drastic difference between what I SHOULD have lost and what I actually lost (and also the fact that I was not in ketosis anymore), I had to go back on the 500 calorie diet starting Tuesday.

So I did. I went through Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, eating only what I was supposed to eat, totally pissed at everyone and everything, including myself and was just generally a really unpleasant person to be around. To salve my wounded spirit, I added Creole seasoning to everything. You know that Tony Chachere’s Creole seasoning that’s so spicy it will literally burn your lips? Yep, that’s the stuff. OOOOOHHHH! Damn it’s good! LOL!

So I weighed in again on Thursday…and had lost a grand total of 3 ounces!!!!!!!!!!!! There are no appropriate words to describe how totally angry and upset I was. Those of you that know me, know that I don’t shy away from using the inappropriate words…pretty much ever. But this time…no, not even going there. There’s no point. I’m pretty sure you understand how upset I was. Apparently there’s so much sodium in my happy little seasoning, that I was retaining water like a damn sponge. Now, to look at the back of the thing, there’s only 310 mg to every serving, which is ¼ tsp. However, you’re only supposed to have 2100mg of salt per day and when I say I put that stuff on EVERYTHING, I don’t mean I dusted it lightly. I coated my food with the stuff. I put it on my morning egg, my salad, my veggies, my chicken…If there’d been more food, I’d have put it on that too.

Yep, I LOVE spicy! It’s my downfall. I like sweets. Dessert is fabulous, but…roll out the spicy and I’m there.

So, I only lost 3 *cuss, cuss* ounces and had to stop using my seasoning and had to stay on the 500 calorie diet.

You’re not supposed to stay on the 500 calorie diet for more than 4 days at a time, because your caloric intake is so dangerously low and because eventually, your body will FORCE you to cheat. So I had to have the will of a freakin’ mountain. I’m telling you, I don’t think I have ever been more unpleasant in my life than I was right up til yesterday afternoon.

Not to mention, that F-ing KFC commercial came on 72 MF-ing times! Mind you, this is with me frantically surfing channels trying to avoid ALL food commercials. I don’t even eat KFC! I prefer Popeye’s for the red beans and rice and Churches for the Jalapeno Cheddar poppers. Screw the chicken. I don’t really like it that much unless it’s made by someone’s grandma. But it came on so many times I had to count.

When the commercial for the Honey BBQ chicken strip sandwich from Whataburger came on, it was almost game-over. I’m telling you, I had my keys and my wallet in my hands so fast I didn’t even realize I’d moved. My son, Little Man, looked up at me and said, “Mommy? Where are you going?” That’s pretty much the only thing that snapped me out of it. I really like that sandwich.

But despite the hell of food commercials, which I now firmly believe should be banned from TV, I held strong…or suffered greatly. Either way you look at it, I made it through the weekend without cheating.

I FINALLY got back into ketosis, finished out the day (making sure there was absolutely no food in the house that I could eat that didn’t require actual preparation so I couldn’t eat it in my sleep), and woke up this morning tired, cranky and pissy. But, at least I’m back in ketosis and finally on the 600 calorie diet. I’ve gone through the whole day almost. Last is dinner.

I got to have my 600 calorie breakfast (I DON’T mean that the one meal was 600 calories) which I’ve been looking forward to for 2 weeks now because I got to have diet cheese.

Most diet cheese is shit. Nasty, nasty stuff I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. But, the laughing cow diet spreadable swiss is FABULOUS. I got a wedge of that and spread it on my slice of bread that I’m allowed. And I ate my ½ of a small orange, took my fish oil (to keep my hair and skin from turning into sandpaper), my vitamins, my minerals and my allergy meds…and then spent 2 hours trying not to throw up.

I can’t take my allergy meds on an empty stomach ever. I can’t even take them and turn right around and eat something. There HAS to be something substantial on my stomach for at least 5 minutes before I take this stuff. Apparently, ½ a small orange and a slice of bread with diet spreadable cheese is not what my stomach considers substantial enough to mitigate the nastiness my allergy pill causes down there. I wanted to die. Seriously. There is only one thing I hate more than throwing up. I will avoid throwing up at all costs.

Which meant that for 2 hours, death was preferable to vomiting.

Then it passed and the rest of my day went along as only Mondays do, leaving me practically homicidal by the time my second break rolled around. However it all got better. I went to this store that’s right next to work and they had these sexy-ass heels…in only my size…on sale! Seriously, how could a Monday possibly be better? LOL!

So thanks to my new fabulous shoes, I had a great day. I don’t weigh until tomorrow, but I also get measured again tomorrow, so this coming Sunday, I will have actual measurements to post. Yay me.

This week’s picture, I took in my living room. I purposely have on the same clothes I wore last week. I will attempt to do this as long as possible (the pants are REALLY loose already) to try to make it evident how much I’m loosing. My grand total so far in my two completed weeks is 13 pounds (I don’t count the ounces. I’d prefer to even forget about that weigh-in entirely).

Kisses, Hugs and Spanx,

Luci